Emotional Patterns That Keep Us Stuck

A big part of the healing journey is peeling back the layers of who we are. In this post we take a look at our emotional body and the place we most likely encounter our inconvenient emotions: with others. 

When Relationships Feel Hard

Do you struggle in relationships?Do you find yourself feeling too much when it comes to neediness, anger, or sensitivity. Or maybe feeling you are not enough? Perhaps you’re afraid of being judged, or you’ve lost touch with who you are because you're so focused on keeping the connection. These emotional patterns are more common than we often admit, and they can keep us from experiencing the kind of safe, satisfying relationships we long for.

Common Emotional Struggles in Relationships

Many people come to realize that certain patterns keep repeating:

• Communication becomes minimal or overly negative

• You feel judged, criticized, or chronically misunderstood

• You may feel “needy,” but attempts to connect seem to push others away

• Fear of abandonment or rejection underlies much of your anxiety

• You’ve lost your sense of self and become overly dependent on your partner

• There are secrets or unspoken truths that prevent full emotional presence

• Persistent sadness or low self-esteem holds you back from moving forward

• Trust issues make it hard to truly let go and engage

  
  

These emotional states don’t just affect our relationships, they also shape the way we see ourselves. We may start to believe we’re “too much,” “not enough,” or fundamentally flawed in how we relate.

Reframing the Emotional Landscape

The path forward starts with emotional awareness. We can’t change what we don’t acknowledge. Reframing negative thoughts and giving language to what we feel is essential. Language helps us metabolize emotion. The more we can talk about our feelings, without acting on them impulsively, the more ease we create in our interactions.

This is emotional regulation: the ability to feel deeply without becoming overwhelmed or reactive. It’s not about shutting down your emotions, it’s about learning how to ride the wave.

Finding Yourself in the Presence of Another

One of the most important relational skills is the ability to stay connected to yourself even when you're deeply connected to someone else. This requires learning where you end and the other person begins. Healthy boundaries are what make intimacy safe. They're also what allow us to repair, to apologize, and to forgive when emotional overwhelm leads to missteps.

Being with another person, without trying to control them, fix them, or force your emotions onto them, is foundational for long-term relational health.

Anger Isn’t the Enemy

Anger, in particular, is often misunderstood. It arises when we perceive that someone else isn’t taking responsibility. It's not inherently destructive, in fact, it can be incredibly informative. Anger can show us what needs to change. When acknowledged and channeled constructively, it can fuel decisions and help set necessary boundaries.

Take the time to calm down from anger’s release of strong chemicals that set the stage for fight or flight. This gives the brain time to move from instinct into problem solving mode. It is important to look under the hood of our anger, because the shift to anger often happens so quickly. A deliberate thought process may be necessary to pinpoint the real issue. Identifying the underlying emotion like fear or sadness provides the clue on how to proceed. 

Alone vs Lonely

Part of this work involves learning the difference between being alone and feeling alone. One is a physical state; the other is emotional. Accepting aloneness, even momentarily, can relieve the tension we carry and make space for something new to emerge. When we stop fighting our feelings, we open ourselves to change.

Moving Toward Connection

In combining energy work with astrology, we often revisit core relational templates: our relationships with early caregivers, old friendships, and former partners. These archetypal connections influence how we show up in our current connections. Working energetically facilitates “cleaning up” these patterns. This leads to a rewiring of our emotional responses and the development of deeper resilience.

The goal isn’t perfection, it’s presence. It’s learning to reach out to others while staying grounded in yourself. It’s knowing that excessive emotional states are often signs that something within us is asking to be seen, witnessed, and shifted. 

Start by acknowledging what’s real for you. Learn to regulate, not suppress. Build boundaries that support, not isolate. And above all, stay connected: to yourself, and then to others.